Thursday, December 29, 2011

Missin My Granny

Yes I know you all are probably tired of hearing about me missing my granny, but seriously.....this is TOUGH.  I know this is just a season of my life that I must go through and grow in Christ, but I don't think my heart has ever hurt so bad.  I was so mad at myself on Christmas b/c I had soooooo much to be thankful for and enjoy but I my insides hurt so bad I almost couldn't stand it and found myself feeling sorry for me.  I just need prayer, from all of you and from myself.  Prayer to get me through this season.  Prayer to learn, grow and lean. 

My favorite picture from the holidays! I WILL be scrapping this just as soon as my Cabin Fever Kitarrives! Hurry! Get yours before she is all out!!!!! :D

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Just a Note

Just wanted to check in with you all during this busy time of the year! I hope all your holidays are happy and full of love and family! Enjoy this time. It is precious and you never know when it might end or someone you love may go HOME.  Home for the holidays has a whole new meaning for me this year.

Merry Christmas and lots of love to you all! :D

Thought I'd share a project I made for a friend! She loved it by the way!

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Wednesday 12-14-11-Grief Stricken

It is the eve of my beloved granny's birthday.  This time of year has been much harder than I have EVER anticipated.  My heart is heavy and empty all at the same time.  I know it is tough when you lose a loved one but this? This is almost just unbearable.  I sit here in front of the computer, writing on my blog to let out feelings, as tears are streaming down my face trying to find peace in the fact that my granny is not in any pain.  But my pain and selfishness is all I can think about right now.  I thought I was so close to my grandpa, and I was, I am....my whole life revolved around him.  I mean I ate, breathed and slept my grandpa.....and when he past I honestly thought I would die right along with him and could not figure out how my life would go on.  It has, and it will this time.  But somehow, this emptiness has pierced me to my innermost being and even with God on my side and My God to lean on I cannot find the strength to patch the hole.  It's times like this we all need to be extremely grateful for our loved ones, as obnoxious as some can be, because when they are no longer on this earth......they are no longer here.  I keep waiting to get a text from her that says, "hi darlin just wanted to see what you were up today." Or that phone call when she says, "I just wanted to hear your voice and a text message wouldn't do it today."  This time last year she was with me in my home to celebrate the holidays with me and my kiddos and family and now she is having Christmas with Jesus.  I am happy for her and sad for me.  I was so excited and she was too about coming to my house in January to spend some time with me and the kiddos and celebrate Jacksons 2nd birthday. 

I have lost the spirit of the season this year.  I have lost my motivation to do anything almost.  I have presents galore, christmas is next week and hardly any of them are wrapped.  I know things will get better, time will heal the pain....blah blah blah.....just let me pity party.......

I am thankful I got 30 years with my granny.  I am thankful for all the wonderful things she taught me.  I am thankful she lived a full life.  I am thankful she is saved and singing praises face to face with my Jesus.  I am thankful she is not in any more pain, oh how that must have been agony and I gave her such a hard time about that.

Thank you for letting me vent, grieve....whatever you want to call it.  This was much easier than writing by hand.  I pray you all have a safe night and a very merry christmas with your family.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

December Daily

Ok I officially am not very good at this blogging thing! Ugh! No matter how hard I try.  However, I do have this new obsession with journaling so maybe this will help me.  I have discovered the importance of recording thoughts, feelings and memories in general.  With the passing of my grandma a few weeks ago and the wounds so fresh still it is deep on my mind.  I had a chance to read over the few pages of a journal she began and I read through my grandpa's journal and it was very inspiring.  I am encouraged to start now b/c I don't want to wait until late in life to begin.  I want my kiddos to be able to read about our life while they were growing up.  The happy times, the frustration and all that goes with it. 

No onto the december daily album.  Last year was the very first year I did and I swore I would not do another one b/c for me it felt like such a chore to write, record, take pics and post every single day.  However, again after losing my grandma I decided to go ahead.  You see last year she spent a little over two months with us and the very first day in my journal was the day we left her house with her to come home......memories.....and it just reminded me how very important it is to record these special times because you never know when those important and special people will be called home.  So, when we returned from my grandma's funeral, after being in new mexico for 2 weeks I needed some creative time to just let go and I created my album.  I hope you all enjoy it....I only have the one picture and I probably will not post daily pics on here b/c I'm just not very good with that! :D

Happy week to ya!